Tony Stark doesn't eat Pad-Thai
by IWishUCouldGoAway
Summary: That is now a fact. He doesn't eat it. But why doesn't he? A short one shot, Tony Centric.


It all started with Steve. Not that is was necessarily Steve's fault, it wasn't, but he was the one who came up with the splendid idea of having meals as a team after Tony hadn't come up from his lab for a week, eating nothing but coffee and Dummy's smoothies.

Tony knew Steve was being an overprotective mother hen, as most people died of a simple cold back in Cap's days, and there usually wasn't enough food for him to eat as well.

He kinda wished he made up a fake plan to get out of Hawkeye's dinner, because currently, he was in a hospital bed, half conscious.

iiiiiii

"Dummy, yes, good boy. Come over here." Tony called to his dimwitted AI, who whirred and made his way over to his boss. Tony was building another car, mainly because he was bored.

"Give me that wrench over there." Dummy complied, and Tony praised his bot before working another two hours while listening to Black Sabbath, ACDC, Metallica, and a tiny bit of Fall Out Boy (yes, he was guilty).

He was almost done with it when Jarvis speaks. "Sir, it is approximately three minutes until dinner."

"Shit," Tony mumbled. He had been late two times, and the rest of the team (Cap) were getting slightly aggravated. It was just dinner, but to Steve, it was like a mission to save baby otters.

Tony quickly washed his hands at the sink in his lab and got on the elevator, not even asking Jarvis the floor, because he knew. It was good to have an AI.

He got on the kitchen and lounge floor right at a considerate time. Clint and Steve were putting the food down. It looked really good and smelled good too. An Asian dish with stir fry, rice, and noodles.

"What'ya serving?" Tony asked.

"Pad Thai. Had to learn to perfect it for a mission. They were serving it, and all I had to do was pretend to be a gourmet chef so the stupid man could eat it and choke."

"Wonderful," Tony said with sarcasm. "You sure you didn't poison it?"

Clint put a hand to his chest. "Oh, of course not, dearie. I would never poison this meal." He was speaking mockingly, like a middle-aged woman. Tony snorted. "Okay, Hawkass. But if I end up on the floor choking and turning blue, I'm blaming you."

Soon enough, Bruce, Natasha, and Thor came into the kitchen, so they could enjoy the meal together. Steve forced everyone to do grace, even though there were three atheists, a god, a god smasher, and the only Christian participating. Tony kinda wished he was the god or god smasher, but Thor and Hulk took those names.

Tony took a bite out of the dish and was astonished by the amount of flavor. There was something to it that tasted wrong, though. Something he wasn't allowed to eat. His stomach dropped.

"Clint." He said quietly, his throat already tightening. "What did you put in this?"

"Oh, I used noodles, butter, chicken, lemon, eggs, peanuts, peppers, onions, and a little bit of fish sauce. I most certainly did not poison it." Clint sounded proud of his accomplishment of a good meal because his last one ended up in flames and they had to order pizza instead.

Did he say peanuts? Tony thought so, but he was starting to feel the effects of the food. His throat was so tight he could barely breathe.

"Why? What's wrong?" Clint suddenly questions. Tony knew he was in deep shit right now.

"Sir, I am calling an ambulance. It will be here in approximately five minutes." Jarvis said, and heads whipped towards Tony. Jeez.

He started gasping for air, and he could feel himself falling and it was scaring him. He could feel his lungs starting to burn as he fell on the hard ground.

Tony was slightly aware of the voices yelling at him, asking him what was wrong and how to help. He just focused on breathing, which was becoming harder than usual. Black spots were appearing in his vision.

He felt a sharp object stab his thigh, and he could feel his throat only clearing a little but because that damn epi pen was expired. He had an appointment on Thursday to get a new one.

The voices were actually getting more muffled, and his throat was closing more and he couldn't. Fucking. Breathe. All of a sudden, the world went painfully black.

iiiiiii

So there he was. Half conscious, in the hospital. Oh, how he hated these hospitals.

He could faintly sense someone clasping his hand, a needle in his other, a heart monitor beeping. He didn't feel like opening his eyes, so he listened.

The person holding his hand was also stroking his hair, which felt nice. "Tony?" Someone asked. The voice was sweet, feminine, and was so very soft. Pepper. "Yeah?" He mumbled, and arms were suddenly around him, hugging him tightly.

"I was so worried about you," Pepper whispered, and he opened his eyes to see beautiful ones staring back at him, displaying worry and love.

"What happened?" He croaked out, then he remembered. Damn peanuts.

"Clint accidently gave you a meal with peanuts in it. You had a severe reaction and when the doctors got in the tower, you weren't breathing. I was called in the middle of a meeting in California. Your heart stopped three times." Pepper sounded so worried and she had tears dripping down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm fine now, aren't I?" He tried for comfort, which only managed to poke the bear that was Pepper Potts. "Tony, you were out for almost two weeks! For a few days, you were in a coma!" Her voice had risen, but when she saw the look on his face, she calmed down.

"The doctors said you might not make it. Why was your epi pen expired?"

"I was going to go to a doctors appointment, hm, let's see, two days after the incident, which was Thursday. I was going to get one then."

Pepper sighed, before laying down on the bed next to him, causing him to shift and put an arm around her. "The public found out due to the ambulances screaming around Stark Tower, and they're throwing things around like internal bleeding or heart attack. You should see a number of reporters at the hospital gates." Tony cracked a slight smile. "God, how they are idiots."

They laid there for a long time, doing nothing but enjoying the company of each other until Tony had a question. "How's the team holding up?"

"Not so good. Steve's sent himself into a panic, Bruce almost turned several times, Natasha hasn't got any sleep and Clint... Clint's really being hard on himself. He seems to think this is all his fault." Pepper explained, and Tony winced. "Tony?" Pepper asked in that tone of voice that makes you never want to mess with her.

"Before the meal, we may have been talking about how I would blame him if I started to choke and turn blue on the ground if I ate his food."

"No wonder he's so depressed over it," Pepper said after a little bit. Tony could feel his eyelids getting heavy. Pepper noticed. "Sleep. I'll wake you up if anything serious happens." Tony didn't need telling twice before welcoming sleep.

iiiiiii

The next time he woke up, it was silent. Well, it was until he cracked open an eye.

"Son of Stark, you have awoken!" Thor. It was Thor.

"Yes, I have." He mumbled.

"I shall fetch a healer!"

"Wait-" Too late. Thor was already out of the room. Tony sighed and rubbed his head. Why him?

Thor soon returned with a middle-aged doctor. "Hello, Mr. Stark. I'm Doctor Naomi. Everything seems to be in great order, I would just like for you to stay for another day."

Tony groaned. "Come on, doc? Why?"

"You do realize you stopped breathing two weeks ago, right?"

"You do realize that was two weeks ago, right?"

"I just want to keep you here." Tony sighed. He hated it here, but he didn't want an angry Pepper. "Fine."

"Good. Do you want the rest of your team here?"

"Sure."

The doctor walked off. "Brother Tony, are you sure you are alright?" Thor asked worriedly. "I'm okay, Thor."

"You were not okay when you collapsed."

"I'm fine now. Just an allergy."

"What does this 'allergy' mean?" Seriously? Didn't Thor know what that meant? Well, he is a god. He probably doesn't know what an allergy was. "It means I get sick if I eat this certain kind of food."

"It also means that you shouldn't have any of the food in the Tower," Natasha said. When did she come in? She pinched his ear. "Nat!" He whined. "Don't do that."

"You don't do that again.'

"I'm sorry, I can't control it," Tony replied. "I'm so sorry I almost died."

"Shut up." Nat said it fondly, which meant she was worried.

Steve and Clint walked in, both looking equally horrible. "You both look like the Hulk got you," Tony commented.

"No, they'd be bloodier," Bruce said as he came in.

They all listened to one of Thor's tales of Asgard until a nurse came in and said that visiting hours would be over soon. Everyone said their goodbyes, but before Clint left, Tony called him over to his side.

"I don't blame you," Tony told him, and Clint's eyes noticeably brightened. "But if you cook that Thai-whatever one more time I'll be forced to shoot you with my own gauntlet."

"I'm too fast for that." Clint chuckled as he made his way out.

 **iiiiiii**

I had like a million endings for this. Pepper and Clint fighting, Tony waking up to the doctor and having to confront Clint, Tony going home and confronting Clint, but I think I liked this one the most.

This is a one-shot, I do not plan on adding onto it. I hope you enjoyed this fic, have a lovely day!


End file.
